I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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