Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
