You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
