I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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