I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
