dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
