If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
