it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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