dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
