Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
