I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
