he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
