Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
