I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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