Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
