so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How's work?
Spinning.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
