Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
