I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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