I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
