god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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