She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there was a trapeze. enough said
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I love how my cats smell like pot.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
