She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
