The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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