All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
