I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
