I'm jealous of your bromance
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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