happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
