he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
