she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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