I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
