This house was built for laser tag.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
