You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
