well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
