My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
