Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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