Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
