My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
