My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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