he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
