just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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