oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
