do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
