I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
