At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
