I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
