i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
