Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
