Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
