I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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