She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
