is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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