i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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