i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
